One day, in July,1989, when I was a 19-year-old, and after the first year of teaching, I couldn’t wait to go to Beijing. I was accompanied in the summer holiday by over thirty of my colleagues.
I well remember, at that time, that both Dad and Mom were so filled with anxiety that they insisted on going with me to the train station even though I felt a little embarrassed, seeing myself as being too old to be accompanied by my parents. They were anxiety-ridden because their sweetheart girl would leave them for such a long the first time that I would be away from their direct protection and supervision. They requested several of my fellow teachers to take care of me during the holiday.
In contrast to the members of my team, including me, laughing and running around in the streets of Beijing, I slowly recognized that most Beijing people looked so sad and so quiet. It was so difficult for me to elicit respond from, or to engage in a little conversation with, from the merchants, waiters or taxi drivers.
I recalled that for at least a month prior to my holiday my mom had been crying so often that her eyes were always red. I had heard, at the time, the CCTV news that informed us that some bad students had killed a few soldiers and had burned military vehicles and so on. However, I was also told by some of my friends that they had secretly (illegally) listened to the radio station “The Voice of America,“ which said that some terrible things had happened and that many, many university students had been shot dead at Tiananmen Square ……
I did not believe that at all. In my mind, it was completely nonsense!
Besides, I was enjoying my Beijing holiday. The sky was so blue, and the trees were so green in Beijing! How wonderful my holiday was!
But what happened?
What was the truth?
Why had My mom cried again and again?
Why had my dad and mom insisted on going with me to the train?
So many questions were swirling around in my mind and I was just so intensely curious that, one afternoon, I ran away from my team without telling anyone, and hired a bike taxi to take me to Tiananmen Square…….
Without any conversation between us, and after a long silent except the voice from the bike, I saw Tiananmen Square slowly emerge, and slowly became bigger and bigger. The image of a Chinese dragon came, unbidden, to my mind.
When we arrived close to the centre of the square and my foot touched the flagstones, I suddenly felt overwhelmed. I could hardly breathe, and my heart seemed to want to jump from my body!
I was so scared that I begged the taxi man to wait for me and stand beside with me.
“What really happened that night? Is it the truth that many students were shot……?” I asked very softly, so quietly that I hardly heard myself.
“Look at the floor, closely and carefully …” The cold voice was from the taxi man.
I almost fell down when I saw a lot of irregular layers of new concrete covering the old ones in various places of the square! Some of them were small, some of them were big, some of them were dark, some of them were light! They looked like pieces of fabric much like one might use in order to repair a man’s coat full of holes !
Somebody had tried to hide something!It was obvious that somebody had tried to cover something ugly and shameful.But the things were even uglier than it appeared to be at first sight.The edges of some of the new concrete patches were so red under the sunshine that it caused me to think of my mom’s red eyes.When I arrived back of my hotel, I collapsed into my bed, hid under the sheet, and cried silently!
It seems to me that it was just yesterday! In actuality, this happened thirty years ago.I was so childish, so naive, so scared!I have tried my best to forget what happened on that day, during that night!I never told a single person about that experience, not even my mom.
I was so ashamed of my Country that I simply put it out of my mind. I have been, effectively, “asleep” for 28 years! I am ashamed that I have keep silent about it for so long.
Two years ago, 2017, I woke up!
I was awakened by the revelations provided by Mr. Guo Wengui, who is brave enough to tell the truth in public and who has shown convincing evidence.
Moreover, he has become a hero to many Chinese people.
He has become one of our brothers.
He has become part of our families!
When I finally woke up, I was devastated to realize that the situation in China is worse, now, than before June 4th 1989.
Today, I just became awake to what was really going on in China, even over the world!As Mr.Guo Wengui has often said:“It is just beginning!”
What is happening right now?
I.4 Billion Chinese people are still held behind a fire wall and cannot speak freely.
Their brains have been washed by Chinese Community Party for 70 years!
They have been told the whole false news, history and propaganda.
Which means that youself, your children, your parents are nothing except this red evil party.
What is happening right now?
1.4 Billion Chinese people work hard as slaves for a few powerful families who are controlling the whole of China.
These powerful families use the national banks of China as if they are their own family banks.
These powerful families use these huge financial resources to do whatever they want to do, not only in China but also in the rest of the world!
They arrest people whenever they want in China and are manipulating people and countries throughout the world!
They are murdering people with impunity not only in China but elsewhere in the world!
What I want to say today:
We have a dream also, as did our hero, Rev. Martin Luther King.
Every Chinese person must have the right to live in security and dignity.
The Chinese people must govern themselves by the rule of Law!
How long must we wait? I ask myself this question every day, every moment!
A voice comes from my brothers and sisters whose agonizing souls are still flying above Tiananmen Square:
“You must get up off your knees!
Never allow such things to happened again!
You must claim your basic human rights!
You must claim your dignity!
We must prevail
We shall prevail!”
I am responding strongly and calling loudly to everyone today:
Wherever you are, and whatever you are
Yes, I am wake, my brothers and sisters!
For you, for me!
For every Chinese Person!
For every individual life in this beautiful world!
by Ping Rayn 瑞安平
June 4th, 2019 rewrite： June, 2th, 2020